The Perfect Candidate (Assingment #6)

          Usually, humans use schooling to develop and learn. Usually, humans practice to become perfect. Usually, humans grow more knowledgeable over time. However I am far from usual. I've never needed to learn anything at all...Ever. I've never failed at anything in my life... Ever. I've never needed to put in effort... Ever.

         I know you want someone who is a leader, and a role model for your college. Well, Chuck Norris is a fictional character... based on me. Well, Hercules is also based on me... translated "Hearncules" in Latvian. Well, Edvard Munch's painting "The Scream" was never actually screaming, until he got intimidated by me. Not even Beckham can bend it like Brayden. Not even Gretzky will call himself the 'Great One' around me. Not even Osama dares to hide from me. I was born in 7 different places. Only 3 people knew my middle name. They are dead. I race wheelchairs for a living. A stare from me is cough medicine, I scare away the cold.

        I know you want someone who is exceptional and inspirational for your college. Believe me, I have counted to infinity. Twice. Believe me, I am what Willis was talking about. Believe me, I can touch Mc Hammer. I once at a full sheet of rice paper, and regurgitated origami swans. I once ordered a Big Mac, and was only charged $2.99. I once ate a bag of skittles, and tasted the rainbow. Tim Tebow kneel prayers only to think of me. I have done the dougie with Steven Hawking. 3 times. I taught Free Willy how to swim. I've played Go Fish with Jaws. I once performed surgery... on myself. I have never lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. My existence was once  proved on Mythbusters. I actually sweat out Gatorade.

        I know you want someone who is a caring and admiring individual for your college. I patched the holes in our Ozone layer with one breath. I cured AIDS by using my mind. I started global warming. I was cold. I seem perfect, because I am. I am the most interesting guy in the world, literally. I have Danced with the Stars. Real stars not phony actors and athletes. The illuminati and conspiracy theories was my first troll attempt. Diseases are afraid to contaminate me, in fear I will put it into extinction.

        I think you've got the idea. People consider me a leader. People consider me a role model. People consider me a helper. People consider me a god. The god. I have been nearly everything possible, yet I have never been a college student