Evil (Assingment #9)

As the tapered barrel of my Smith and Wesson glimmers in the luminous Sunlight, They do not speak

The privledge of simplicity was withdrawn when we walked into the building

                                                                                            Victims, Hostages... They are horrified

They do not know that down into the intellectual pathways of my mental capacity,

                  I have no intentions to injure. They are not in danger; I am

                                If I let him down once more... I am extinguished like the flame of a dormant fireplace

As my dominant hand becomes an earthquake, I glimpse down at the gun and,

                        It speaks to me. It is urging me to shoot these innocent bystanders; I tried to reason with it

                                                                 "He will do it if you don't"

                       But I didn't want to. I feel like James Bond as everyone stares at me, intimidation in their eyes

I want to leave, but I am scared for these people.

                                        As I'm rifling through the pockets in my mind, a man tries to stand up.

I suddenly black out. My eyes open to terror filled eyes... and the man laying there...

                                                            Dead

My tears are a waterfall, but I swiftly wipe them away.

I should have known this was going to happen.

                                Who even let's a schizophrenic out of the psychiatric hospital anyways?

                                                          I asked the banker for some money. He solemnly opened his register

But there was not enough. There was a black flash, and as I regained complete conciousness,

He was                                                Dead

                                                                  I could hear sirens in the background

The bloodsplattered floors of the bank that day paint my mind like and empty canvass

                                               "Finish them, finish them all!" That is all that he kept telling me in my head

                                                                          But I didn't want to.

I tried to release my hardened grip on the gun, But my hand was a sharks jaw on some prey

                                         The gun bit me, and screamed, "It's time! Do away with them or I will"

But I didn't want to.

                                                                    Internally my mind was an inferno in the deepest pits of hell

                                    Fighting for my actions

I pointed the gun to my head... and cocked it back... but I suddenly blacked out.

                                                             I had awoken by the SWAT team rushing into the bank

Bulldozing me over, and cuffing me up.

                                                                      Elders, Mothers, Fathers, Teenagers, Children all scattered...

                                                             Dead

Only one of us left the bank that day, as I was sure my concious state would

                                                                                    rot in the darkest abyss for the rest of eternity

         The evil could live on inside me,

                                                                     until I got my medication at least

Weird Al Yankovic - Jerry Springer (Assingment #7)

It's been, one week since we got to see,
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
5 days since they had the show with the hermaphrodit
the ****, and the crackhoe
3 days since we heard the tale about the guy who learned
his woman was a she-male.
Yesterday, it occured to me, that I'd been watching a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, didya see it last week?
Well they had this one freak,
Who suckered punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total 'free-for-all'
and jerry's in the middle trying to be the referee?
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap-dance, and date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry's next guest, and it's a slug fest cuz
it's her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack it's like when animals attack
they all exhibit reprehensible behaviour
hit em in the nose tear off their clothes step on their toes thats how it goes
they get so violent they have to sign a waiver.
They're always swearin' cursin' kickin' butt and pointin' blame
on the air they dont care they got no shame.
There was one guy I'm sure he felt a little strange, when he found
out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly,
They have a history of ripping off their shirts...

It's been one week since they had the fight,
with the Siamese twins and the transvestite
5 days since that awful brawl,
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me, that I'd been watching
a bit too much Jerry Springer

[Spoken]Baby, I've been sleeping with your sister.
Ugh! Which one?
All of 'em!
Well I've been sleeping with you're best friend, Jay!
Yeah? Well, well...
Me too and I've been sleeping with your dog, Woofie
Woofie, you *****! Well I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
That goat doesn't love you!

Once you start watching, there's just no stopping
Your brain shuts down, and your IQ's dropping.
Jerry's the king of confrontation, he's a sensation, he puts the sin
in sindication
He's totally worthless like a bad check, he's a train wreck,
Don't want to stare, but you can't look away.
Like Sally Jesse, he does talk shows, but with more weirdos,
The rating's jumping higher every day

If you've seen the show, then you know it's about as low
as you can go,
The guests are tacky, and they're lacking in their hygiene
Then pretty soon, some ugly goon comes in the room, and then
it's boom in the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities,
yanking hair, throwing chairs at their hubbies.
Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favourite chant
Should I turn off my TV?
I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously, I have a history
of taping each one

It's been one week since the show about,
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
5 days since the big surprise, when some loser's wife said
that shes still datin' 20 guys,
3 days since the interview, a bunch of psychic pornstar midgets
who were all nude,
Yesterday it occured to me, that I've been watching
a bit too much jerry Springer

Tired of wasting my time on that Jerry Springer,
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer


        The most corrupt show still produced on todays telivision network is run by the man who has been the Mayor of Cincinnati, won seven local Emmys, and has even had Pope John Paul II in his audience! Jerry Springer, the host of "The Jerry Springer Show" even has a parody song based on his unappropriate television show. The song "Jerry Springer" by Weird Al Yankovic emphasises the unacceptable conduct on the Jerry Springer Show that has been accepted in our society. The main poetic device expressed in this song is satire. The song satires society in the way that we have accepted obscure natured programming into our regular entertainment, and when the narrator questions if he should "turn off [his] TV," he explains, "he simply can't." This emphasizes how our modern day society are becoming reliant on obscene forms of entertainment, and how people have become addicted. The narrator explains how "[he has] a tendency to watch it religiously, [he has] a history of taping each one," even though the shows are about such disturbing and unorthodox cocepts such as incest, cheating and brawling. He even explains that the show is about as low as you can go, yet he still watches it! It is worrisome how our civilized idealogy finds these concepts viable for our television stations. The second poetic device expressed in this song is irony. The entire song the narrator over explains how repulsive and taboo the show is with such things as "Psycho killers with problems... [and] psychic pornstar midgets who were all nude." He also explains how he films all of the episodes, concluding he enjoys watching the show. However, the concluding sentence of the song provides the reasoning that "[he has] got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer," which is ironic how he has praised the show for being entertaining the entire time. Thinking back on what he has watched on the show was the only realise that he should stop watching the show, and it is very unclassy. Another poetic device in the song is simile. The narrator explains how watching Jerry Springer is "totally worthless like a bad check," because a bad check would refer to an expired or blank check, which is worth nothing, and he is refering to watching Jerry Springer is worth nothing, just a mere waste of time. Another simile is when he explains that a "nymphomaniac is back on crack it's like when animals attack," which he refers to a nymphomaniac on crack is as dangerous and reluctant to stop like an attack from a unsafe animal such as a bear, shark or pirahna. Another very obvious device incorporated in this song is personification. In the readers description of the show, he exclaims how "the rating's [jump] higher every day," yet in reality the ratings go up, they cannot "jump". Saying the ratings have jumped higher every day is just putting emphasis on the fact that the ratings shoot up every day because the show is becoming more popular. Figurative language is another technique Weird Al Yankovic uses in this song. When explaining how Jerry Springer "[is] a train wreck," he doesn't literally mean that he is a train wreck, but he uses the comparison to make him seem damaged. Another example of figurative language is when he makes the joke about a couple arguing and how one is "sleepin' with [their] pet goat," isn't meant to be taken literally, but made only to show how stupid the show really is. This final poetic device in the song is understatement. When the narrator explains about a guy who "felt a little strange, when he found out that his wife had a sex change," it is easy to say the the husband would feel more then a little strange if this happened and he was not told. Saying that he would feel a little strange is almost the complete opposite of what would happen, as he would feel very strange, and likely not be able to trust her ever again. Overall, the song "Jerry Springer" by Weird Al Yankovic is loaded with poetic devices.

Dear Santa (Assignment #11)

December 24th, 2011

Justin Gabriel

Iraq

911, 7th St

SUM MER

Santa Claus
North Pole
101, Christmas Ave
WIN TER

Dear Santa Claus,
        How has your year been? I've had a genuinely amazing year! I have been so well behaved, it may be surprising. I know in recent years I have been of devious and mischievous nature, yet with an open and generous heart, I have changed into the model citizen. My year has been spent volunteering, teaching basketball to the handicapped, becoming a mainstream rapper who will give all profits to charity, as well I have donated numerous amount of hours to the construction of a homeless shelter. Even though once this year I have made the naughty mistake of sharpening my pencil when the teacher was delivering a heartfelt lecture, the overall notion of my actions over the course of this year has been positive. In the new year I plan on keeping up my volunteering of instructing basketball, as well as teaching blind kids how to read braille. I hope you understand to what extent I have had a positive influence on everyone this year, and how much of a well rounded person I have become.

        This Christmas, I understand you may not provide everything on my list, but I appreciate all attempts to fulfill my requests. First of all, I would like world peace. If that in general is to hard to provide, I completely understand! I have devoted a large chunk of my life at attempting this, and it will be a very hard quest to conquer. However I would appreciate any help you can give. I would also like a new basketball, which would help me teach more handicapped children who are determined to succeed in the sport. Even though the basketball is not so much for me, you can consider it my request, so they can have a chance to receive more presents. Also I would like some supplies to support the building of the construction of a homeless shelter in my town. If you cannot, I would appreciate if you provided more hours in a day so I can work harder and longer at making more people happy. I greatly appreciate you reading this letter, and fully understand that not every wish can be met, but any attempt will be greatly appreciated! I sincerely hope you have a great year, and will succeed in all of your dreams.

Ball 4 lyfe, Justin Gabriel

The Perfect Candidate (Assingment #6)

          Usually, humans use schooling to develop and learn. Usually, humans practice to become perfect. Usually, humans grow more knowledgeable over time. However I am far from usual. I've never needed to learn anything at all...Ever. I've never failed at anything in my life... Ever. I've never needed to put in effort... Ever.

         I know you want someone who is a leader, and a role model for your college. Well, Chuck Norris is a fictional character... based on me. Well, Hercules is also based on me... translated "Hearncules" in Latvian. Well, Edvard Munch's painting "The Scream" was never actually screaming, until he got intimidated by me. Not even Beckham can bend it like Brayden. Not even Gretzky will call himself the 'Great One' around me. Not even Osama dares to hide from me. I was born in 7 different places. Only 3 people knew my middle name. They are dead. I race wheelchairs for a living. A stare from me is cough medicine, I scare away the cold.

        I know you want someone who is exceptional and inspirational for your college. Believe me, I have counted to infinity. Twice. Believe me, I am what Willis was talking about. Believe me, I can touch Mc Hammer. I once at a full sheet of rice paper, and regurgitated origami swans. I once ordered a Big Mac, and was only charged $2.99. I once ate a bag of skittles, and tasted the rainbow. Tim Tebow kneel prayers only to think of me. I have done the dougie with Steven Hawking. 3 times. I taught Free Willy how to swim. I've played Go Fish with Jaws. I once performed surgery... on myself. I have never lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. My existence was once  proved on Mythbusters. I actually sweat out Gatorade.

        I know you want someone who is a caring and admiring individual for your college. I patched the holes in our Ozone layer with one breath. I cured AIDS by using my mind. I started global warming. I was cold. I seem perfect, because I am. I am the most interesting guy in the world, literally. I have Danced with the Stars. Real stars not phony actors and athletes. The illuminati and conspiracy theories was my first troll attempt. Diseases are afraid to contaminate me, in fear I will put it into extinction.

        I think you've got the idea. People consider me a leader. People consider me a role model. People consider me a helper. People consider me a god. The god. I have been nearly everything possible, yet I have never been a college student